More Than Friends

So recently my younger brother was involved in a conversation with a friend, the subject revolving around the question of: "Why are guys never ok with being JUST FRIENDS?" This is a question that is a very hot button issue between the genders, and one that most males hate with a sometimes violent passion. I promised that I would weigh in on this subject myself, though I am treading into very rough and murky waters with this Perfect Storm of a thing. I do not know whether girls are really looking for an answer to this, and if they are perhaps I can explain it for them (being that I am undoubtedly male). And perhaps some of my fellow brothers out there will cheer in triumph as I present my case, as they will understand exactly where I am coming from. So here I go and may my cannons be primed to return any unfriendly fire. 


So as I mentioned this question is a very hot button issue for guys, in fact most guys despise this question because it is a loaded question. Now the girl who asks it 9 out of 10 times is honestly curious about the answer, but that other 1 girl who asks has the deeper meaning to it. Normally she is the one the guy in question has been either pursuing or wanting, but she of course doesn't have the mutual feelings (trust me I've dealt with this situation multiple times). Whether or not she has made that clear is part of the problem when the question is asked, if she hasn't then the guy can hardly be blamed for continuing his pursuit of her. But like I said this is only 10% of girls, the other 90% do not fall into this category. Though this question DOES highlight a massive difference between the genders, a difference that sadly leads to the "Friends Only" problem mentioned.


Girls have asked this question a lot it seems, or I have heard guys asked it quite frequently. Girls want to know why girls and guys cannot be JUST FRIENDS, after all it seems like it is quite simple thing to do. Well the answer to this question is equally as simple, though if it is believed depends on the girl in question. The answer is: We are not DESIGNED that way ladies, literally that is NOT our function with life. Oh it is not that we CAN'T be just friends, it's that most of the time that ISN'T WHAT WE WANT. I know this sounds a bit selfish on our part, but hear me out. God created Man to be a Protector, Provider, and a Pursuer, we were created to GO AFTER the things we want in Life. 


Just Friends kinda LIMITS US on this front, sure we don't mind being your friend but we are made for COMPANIONSHIP. Men by nature are NOT pack/group oriented beings, you females are (just look at girls in high schools they travel in packs). Guy are much like Lone Wolves, solitary and wander-some as we go through life. On average we are very single-minded as we go through Life, we know what we want and our job is to expend energy to get it (distractions though of course do factor in). But trying to mold us into a mold that we are not supposed to be in (platonic friendship) is not really effective and leads to much frustration, like I said it is NOT how we are designed to be.


Now we of course realize that we must ACCEPT THIS with most girls as we can only be with ONE of you (as marriage is designed to be). However this does not mean that we LIKE THIS place, like I mentioned we are protectors and providers by nature. However we cannot DO THIS if you always are shooting us down or looking for someone BETTER than us (better is a subjective term anyways). For guys this question is MUCH MORE DEEPLY ROOTED. It isn't so much about being Just Friends as what Just Friends means, to us it means you are afraid to TAKE A CHANCE with us. 


I may not know a whole lot about relationships but I do know that normally the person you marry must be your BEST FRIEND (in every way). Obviously the way a relationship starts is that you meet a person and then begin to get to know them, and yes at a time BE JUST FRIENDS. But for guys this ISN'T a PERMANENT STATE for us to exist in, we are befriending girls so that we might hopefully find the girl we are to marry (Marriage is put of the picture Ladies and Gentlemen, accept it). Now we of course know this is a delicate process as we cannot choose JUST ANYONE (to do so would be retarded and stupid on our parts). Also we must take into account where your emotional, psychological, and most importantly spiritual, state is as an individual (being with someone means you take their issues and other stuff on, in addition to your own). But being JUST FRIENDS kinda just BUSTS UP this entire process, or I should say remaining just friends does so.


There is a common thread of thought that guys are afraid of commitment, namely they are afraid to settle down and stick to a single girl. I cannot speak for all guys or even most guys (all guys are different). But I do know the difference lies in their Spiritual State as a man, Non-Believer guys obviously have no Holy Spirit with which to guide their actions. So the fact that their main pursuit in Life is the bed as many females as possible, without making a true commitment to any of them, is neither surprising nor unexpected. Some Christians guys can fall victim to this train of thought and action as well too, so I cannot say that all Christian guys are gonna act properly either. However a proper Christian guy, flawed and damaged of course, but filled and led as much as possible by the Holy Spirit will be the exception to this rule. He knows that part of Life is to find a mate and to care for her as much as he humanly may. Everyday thanking the Good Father above for the gift of her in his life, I would like to think I fall into this category (though I am still Single at this time). So I cannot say that ALL GUYS are afraid of commitment.


But I have a return question for the girls who ask this question, and I think it is fair game for me to ask it. You want to know why guys don't like being JUST FRIENDS, well this guy wants to know: WHY ARE YOU AFRAID TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS? If you are married or even dating then it means that you TOOK A CHANCE on someone, but you were JUST FRIENDS with them before. I've heard a reason to my question being: "Well I don't want to ruin the friendship/make the friendship awkward" while a completed VALID POINT, if everyone thought like that there would be no marriage or even relationships at all. But I would really like to hear an ANSWER to my question (perhaps GIRLS are just as afraid of commitment). 


Perhaps I don't understand this delicate and sometimes frustration dance between the sexes, but I hope I have provided an answer for the question females like to ask us guys. So there you go and have a great night.