Self-Portrait

I think perhaps it is time that I tell you a little more about myself, not that I really OWE anyone an explanation about anything at this point. But being that I am a nice guy and can be rational, I write this some that you morons who like to mislabel me all the time finally have no excuse to do so anymore. This is also so you don't think I am some heartless and bitter prick of nature. If you choose to continue your stupidity after this explanation, I would advise you to either smack yourself in the head or seek professional psychiatric attention.


1. I am a Warrior
I am ALIVE when I really shouldn't be, being born at 1lb. 13oz. pretty much marked my destiny from the beginning. This being the case it means I am born with certain traits and personality quirks, namely that of being very straight-forward and aggressive. I don't have the option to show weakness or doubt for even a second, I was created to go out and DESTROY Forces of Darkness and I take the calling very seriously. So instead of labeling me as some dingbat psychopath, how about about trying to UNDERSTAND why I seem to be fighting off EVERYTHING in my way?


2. I have massive trust issues
Contrary to what some of you who know me might thing, I actually DO BEAR psychic scars in my life. For 4 years in Grade school I was constantly verbally bullied by a group of my own peers simply because I was OUTSIDE their group. This culminated in me being jumped and having my wrist broken, after which my parents pulled me out of school to Home School me. But the trouble didn't stop there, my cousin took the place of my former tormentors and for an additional 3 years tortured me verbally and ran me down like I was nothing. So now I am stuck with the psychic stigma of "You are not good enough and never will be" hence why I am very GRUFF and STRAIGHT TO THE POINT. So once again I am not some guy who decided one day to be PISSED OFF his entire life, so STOP ASSUMING THAT ABOUT ME.


3. I have a certain bitterness towards relationships
Now before you go thinking that this is me popping off at simply being single, that is not it. Sure like many single people my age I do have that longing desire to find someone to spend my life with, though I have yet to find that person (Lord hear my prayers and prepare me accordingly). No what I am talking about is people who make this promise to not forget me if they start dating, then suddenly make me seem like I am invisible when someone enters their life. Look do not make promises you cannot possibly keep, just say "Hey Sam I will try not to forget you, but if I do thanks so much for being a good friend and I will see you around." If someone told me something like that I would be more able to accept it, but don't make grand promises with mouth that your actions can't cash just to make me feel better. I don't expect super-human things from people, but also don't treat me like I am some EXPENDABLE piece of crap under your shoe just because you have a new toy to play with.


4. I am a STRAIGHT SHOOTER 
This one should be plain and simple to understand, I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I do not have time for idle "bush beating", I shoot straight to the point and attack a problem head on with little room for debating or haranguing. Do not ask me for my opinion if you do not want to hear the truth, because I will tell you exactly what I think (unless of course someone's life is on the line). If you want me to simply LISTEN to you then make that clear, any other approach and I am going to guess you actually want an answer to whatever you are telling me. I am NOT politically correct and will not sugarcoat anything, if I see something is wrong I am going to keep mentioning it until it is fixed or dealt with.  This does not mean that I do not have the ability to be diplomatic, because if I didn't there would be many DESTROYED people around me. Just don't waste my time with idle jaw-jacking and we will get along fine. If you don't like BRUTAL HONESTY then I suggest you steer clear of me.


5. I am an EMOTIONAL GUY
Now contrary to the bullshit notion that guys can't cry or show emotion, I am a classic example of the opposite. Unlike most guys I am not PURE LOGIC, I actually operate most off my heart. As a side-effect of this I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and take things personally. This is a condition that I wish my hardest that I could change, but have yet to figure out HOW or IF I even should or can. I tend to feel the pain of others and take it to myself, I even CRY for others' problems on occasion. However do not think that I am some pushover wimp, you attack my heart and I promise I will tear your head from your shoulders and EAT IT. DO NOT TRY TO MANIPULATE ME, I DO NOT TAKE KINDLY TO IT!!!!!


6. I am Loyal as a person and friend/But dangerous as an enemy
Much like a dog I am loyal almost to a fault, I will go out of my way and drop what I am doing if you need my help. Once my friendship is gained I am normally a friend for life, literally either you or I would have to die before I stopped being your friend (unless you tell me to go away). However also like a dog if you push me too far or in some way betray me, I will not hesitate to rip your body apart. Touch one of my friends and you will BEG for mercy and the comfort of DEATH before I am done with you. I am one of the deadliest enemies you can ever have, I will pursue your destruction until there is NOTHING left in me. So choose wisely when it comes to which side of me you want to meet. I can either be very loving and kind or psychotically unstoppable.


7. I am Black and White in how I see the world
Simpy put I believe in Absolutes and Truths, I do not buy into or support the Post-Modernist bull that our nation and world espies. RIGHT AND WRONG are my code, don't like it? That is too damn bad


8. I am a Hopeless Romantic 
I believe in Love At First Sight and True Love exists, if I had a girl I would love her properly and with everything in me that I could. I would treat her special and with respect, and would PROTECT her as best as humanly possible from everything (including myself). I believe in simplicity with dating, things like going to the beach or walking in the park with a girl is my ideal of a perfect date. I also believe in being a Gentleman and being polite and proper when it comes to interacting with girls (I don't always succeed, but I damn sure try my hardest). I would much rather hold hands with or just hold a girl in my arms then have sex with her, also want to kiss a girl in the rain one day.


9. Girls Confuse Me
Like most guys when it comes to our female counterparts, I do not understand what they actually want from us. I will not get into the whole Nice Guys vs. Bad Boy debate, but know that we as guys DO NOT READ MINDS. Also when a girl tells me I am special but....... I am still not sure WHAT that means exactly. To be honest it makes me feel like she thinks I am not good enough for her, though been told I am TOO GOOD for them several times. Anyways girls confuse me, and probably always will.


10. Simple Things Make Me Happy
Things like cooking a dinner successfully or hanging out with my dog talking about Life are the things that resonate with me most. Having a MEANINGFUL conversation about something will make my day, so will things like sniffing the roses or admiring a tree. I am NOT a complex individual and do not ask for me, simply FRIENDS to talk to and love and a PURPOSE in Life and I am golden. I like to walk in the rain and read books during a thunderstorm. 




I could probably put more but I think this is sufficient for now, perhaps now you will THINK TWICE before you go off and label me as UNCARING or UNLOVING or UNWORTHY OF LIVING. I am not perfect and recognize this fact EVERY DAY of my life, I don't need any of you self-righteous jackasses reminding me of that (Satan does that enough to last me a million lifetimes). If you continue you stupidity I will simply just IGNORE YOU from now on, I am done letting people try to mold me into the docile, "good little Christian Boy" And those of you who have a better understanding of me now, don't be afraid to talk to me or befriend me. I am tough yes, but under all the Armor of me beats the heart of a simple Little Boy.